I really don’t like not having things under my control, and this is an ugly trait that God seems to be trying to excise from me these past years. I just don’t like the feeling of not being able to manage things, because something could always go wrong. In the past, I’ve always had a back-up if my back-ups failed. How bad is it, you ask? Let’s just say that I had up to Plan E to rely on if the first few ones failed (usually, I’d only need up to Plan C, tops, but it’s better to be safe than sorry).
Anyway, these past years, the Lord seems to be putting me in situations where I really can’t do anything else, except trust Him. It’s definitely a huge struggle for me, and I admit, at times, I try to wrest control, even if I know it’s a futile effort. I guess this is really one of those instances where the Lord shows tough love (Hebrews 12), and I just really have to align my heart with His so I’ll be able to get out of this, if not unharmed, then whole.