The title speaks for itself. I handpicked especially painful and ridiculous weapons. If you want to see EVERYTHING, here’s the link. Anyway, here we go, My Neverender presents…. Weapons That Don’t Exist But Should
Thank you, uncyclopedia.org. 
1. The Multi-Purpose Bullet
Ever got pissed by movies where the bad guy gets shot silly but retreats and heals up and exacts vengeance with a clean bill of health? Now, with the all purpose bullet, made of wood, silver, Kryptonite, pure sunlight, Eddie Murphy, all forms of hepatitis and herpes, the color yellow, and the ultimate equalizer, the essence of Death (extracted from the Grim Reaper himself). This bullet will kill lycanthropes, vampires, Green Lantern, Superman, man, woman, child, old people, Duncan McCloud, and everyone else.
2. Exploding Flora
Well, exploding trees can be used for unsuspecting enemies hiding from you. Just when they thought they’ve escaped, BOOMTOWN! Exploding flowers on the other hand are more covert and subtle, not to mention sleek and sexy, the kind of sexy that James Bond would drool over. Perfect for giving your mother-in-law hell.
3. Gun that shoots guns, that shoots swords that shoots mini ninjas, that shoot death stars, that shoot lightsabres, that shoot mini george w bush’s, that shoots irrational search for weapons of mass destruction.
’nuff said.
3. Giant Stuff
Giant Paper - The Giant Paper is the perfect weapon, (or tent) as it can be made into any other shape, even the dreaded gun that shoots guns that shoot swords. It can even be made into a paper airplane if need be. The Giant Paper can suffocate any enemy on site and is unbeatable*. It also gives nasty paper cuts. Oh the horror!
*Note: the Giant Paper can be beaten by the Giant Scissors, but kicks the crap out of Giant Rock.
Giant Rock - The Giant Rock or “The Boulder”, with its immense giantness is capable of crushing all those who oppose it. There is no point in fighting anyone wielding a indestructible Giant rock.*
*Note: the Giant rock can be destructed by the Giant paper.
Giant Scissors - Obviously highly effective as a projectile; even discounting that, a giant pair of scissors, though perhaps difficult to maneuver, would make even the failingest of failures unstoppable by conventional methods. Anyone who walks up to you and tries to stop you walks right into the path that the blades of the scissors will take. If you can use a giant scissors to cut someone cleanly in half, bones included, then nobody will dare to mess with you. Just remember what your mum said about running with giant scissors, i.e, don’t. But when did you start listening to her? Runing with scissors is fun! So go ahead, do it! The Giant Scissors are an unstoppable force.*
*Note: the Giant scissors can be stopped by the Giant rock.
4. Cloned Armored Raptors from Hell
You get a dozen or so cloned velociraptors, slap on some protective armor and unleash them in the neighborhood of your choice. These vicious little predators will hunt down your enemy for you and eviscerate them with their razor toe claws, or at least rip out their jugulars. The armor is to help even the playing field if your enemy has weapons like a dolphin gun, Armed Monkeys or Arctic Monkeys. If they get killed no big deal, you just clone some more.
5. Hello Kitty’s Elite
Most successful graduates of the Hello Kitty Armed Response Training Corp in a secret location somewhere off the coast of Japan are inducted into the Assault Kitten Paratroopers. Reknowned worldwide for their stealth, their merciless attacks, and their deployment of balls of wool in the face of ferocious opposition. DAK are specially trained at urban warfare an will exploit any ground gained to their advantage.
6. Buffalo Crossbow
They say that the bumblebee ignores the laws of physics, allowing it to fly. So, in theory, could a buffalo fly as well? Just load it into a crossbow and hope to God that it works. Anything can fly given the correct calculations! If that doesn’t work, either get a smaller buffalo (maybe a calf), or get a new brain because buffaloes cannot fly! Why the hell do you think Jessica Simpson thought they had wings?!
7. Chuck-Chucks
DESTROY.
Well that’s it for now. Stay tuned for more mindless action.
